It can be easy to talk to friends and relatives at parties. But
what about the strangers you meet? Debra Fine, author of ‘‘The Fine
Art of Small Talk,’’ gets right to the point(s) over e-mail:
Name names. ‘‘Take your time, and be sure to remember names and
use them frequently during conversations.’’
Act interested. ‘‘By showing an interest, you are creating a
favorable impression of yourself. People, even shy ones, like to
talk about themselves, so let them.’’
Bring three with you. ‘‘Before entering an event, take a couple
(of) minutes and think of at least three conversation topics.
Remind yourself of what you may already know about fellow
attendees: their hobbies, activities or interests.’’
Keep eye contact. ‘‘Eye contact is an easy way to make others
feel comfortable, important and special.’’
Move your body (the right way). ‘‘Nervous body language
(twisting your hair, slouching shoulders, constant hand rubbing)
can make others uncomfortable and anxious.’’
Lend an ear. ‘‘By listening intently to what others are saying,
you are not only making them feel important, but you can gather
cues you need to keep the conversation going and bridge to new
topics.’’
Stop the third degree. ‘‘Questions like: ‘Where are you from?’
‘Are you married?’ ‘What do you do for a living?’ can stop a
conversation before it … starts.’’
Show respect. ‘‘Not everyone agrees on things, and friendly
disagreements can be a gateway to a great conversation. Offer your
opinion of your favorite football team, the state of public
education today, or the future of the space program. Be sure to
follow up with ‘What do you think?’’’
Have an exit strategy. ‘‘You will probably want to mingle with
several people around the room.
‘‘Ask for a referral to remove yourself from conversation: ‘Who
do you know at this event that comes from a financial background?’
… Fearful of hurting someone’s feelings? Ask them to join you: ‘I
need to get some coffee, would you like to join me?’ They can
decline or join you, but at least you are moving around the
room.’’
