10 tips to surviving a breakup

• Cry all you want. Let the tears flow, it's healthy you are releasing grief and pain. You may be afraid to start because you're fearful you'll never stop, but you will.

• Do something every day to help yourself heal. Exercise, read, watch some self-help TV, learn to meditate and never underestimate the power of positive prayer. And do things; don't wait for the mood to come over you; take one action and then another.

• Find emotional support. There are numerous groups for the newly single. If you want therapy, go to www.therapistfinder.com to find a licensed therapist in your area. Just don't try to tough it out or go it alone; support from others is healing.

• Don't be a doormat. If your soon-to-be-ex continues to call or won't go away, explain that you need to be alone to heal; request distance. If you feel harassed or threatened, call law enforcement for information and advice.

• Keep busy. If you wake up early, take a walk, go out to breakfast or do something around the house. Try a little ‘‘retail therapy'' (go shopping) or enjoy a movie in the middle of the day. Many businesses allow their staff to take ‘‘mental health days'' if needed. If you can't sleep, do the crossword puzzle, read or watch TV. Don't sit in your room and ruminate; you have to free your mind so your heart can heal.

• Don't try to mask your pain by trying to find a replacement. We all know the term ‘‘rebound relationship.''

These happen when we (unconsciously) use another person to fill the gap created by the end of a relationship. These transitional connections can feel healing in the short term but, if you don't process your pain appropriately, you will not be able to be in a fully committed partnership.

• Don't spend too much time alone. Hang out with friends or make new ones, go to coffee with someone you can talk to, volunteer in your community. You will need time alone but, if you isolate yourself, you won't be able to fully process your feelings or get the support you need to heal.

• Trust your feelings. Even if the breakup took you by surprise, your inner voice is telling you something. Listen carefully and you will hear that it will all be OK.

• Take your time. Don't rush out and buy a new car or move away. Forcing such changes is merely a way of avoiding your feelings. Believe that with a little time, patience and support, you will feel better and find love again.

• Research. Find out what others who have not just survived but thrived after their relationships ended did to achieve peace of mind. There are some great books on surviving a breakup; my favorite is ‘‘How to Survive the Loss of a Love'' by Peter McWilliams. This little gem will give you insight, exercises and some sage advice for dealing with this heart-wrenching issue.

Trust that your life will be wonderful. Love will come again and, next time, if you have truly processed your feelings, it will be much better.

— Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D., has resided and practiced in Westlake Village, Calif., for a decade. Contact him at barton@emotionalfitness.net.