B utt Hash, technically known as Jenkem, has taken over our rural landscape like an outbreak of e-coli infested ground round. Whether it goes by the oft erroneously named “Butt Meth” in the Bozeman area (due to a lack of true interest and usage?) or proper street name “Waste” in metropolitan Billings, Butt Hash is here to stay for better or worse. The question we all should be asking ourselves is how does one go about concocting this pungent brew, and with all judgment aside, why not embrace this free form of tranquility and escape?
For those of you not well read, may I suggest the following recipe, from “Crystal” (names have been changed in order to protect street cred), found on Montana Avenue sniffing her own special blend:
INGREDIENTS:
Urine
Fecal matter (any consistency will do)
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EQUIPMENT:
(1) Jar
(1) Balloon
(1) Rubber Band
INSTRUCTIONS:
Urinate in jar. Cover with lid.
Expel fecal matter in jar. Cover with lid.
Let froth for approximately 2-3 days.
Place balloon over jar. Sniff and/or huff scent.
The effect of said huffing produces inebriation with only the slightest side effect n the scent of raw sewage emanating from the mouth and nostrils, a small price for a financially smart move, and a free lunch, literally, although in reverse.
Many consider this the perfect high. I myself, after initial shock and awe, had to seriously consider the economic advantages and the ability to kill two birds with one stone, if I might.
So what is all the hoopla about? Therein lies the conundrum: is it our collective disgust as a society toward raw fecal matter? Is Butt Hash not sheik or edgy enough due to the simple utilitarian tools used in preparation from generations past? Or must we take a long hard look in the mirror and ask ourselves, are we really a throw away society, consuming and demanding more and more, when we have at hand (or at crotch) all that is necessary?
These questions hold no simple answers, although the solution may be quite effortless. I wish to leave you with a transcript from a commercial I recently viewed on local Billings TV station. The thought provoking and innovative message may not be easy to hear, but if we let go of our worldly judgments and open ourselves to the ultimate recycling program…
Do you ever want to get high but don’t have the cash?
Do we have the answer for you! Butt Hash! With this new product, you can be your own best friend and drug dealer. No more late nights spent hiding out on seedy street corners. No more wads of cash taking up space in your pockets. Just eat a large leafy meal, take a diuretic and a laxative, grab those leftover water balloons from this summer, a magazine and a canning jar or old soda bottle, and Whammo! You’ve got an evening of free entertainment. Perfect for gangs in the hood with nothing left but the ability to poo. Or for the new mom wondering what to do with all of those stinky diapers. Pretty much anyone can score this drug; even someone with a colostomy bag can join.
Don’t discriminate, evacuate! No more watching those precious niblets flush away to nowhere. Now you know exactly where they will go…back where they came from!
BUTT HASH n IT’S A GAS!
